


Better Than Nothing

by totalizzyness



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4228971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totalizzyness/pseuds/totalizzyness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 3am and Kagami and Aomine can't get to sleep, so obviously it's the perfect time for a deep, serious conversation about life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Than Nothing

“Better than nothing super-power: Every time you fart your hair grows a centimetre.”

Kagami chuckled, rubbing his forehead as he pondered Aomine’s question. “All my hair, or just on my head?”

“Just on your head. Imagine, farting and suddenly your leg hair just gets longer and longer!”

“Fuck, your eyebrows would be ridiculous! Oh my God, your eyelashes!”

Aomine laughed, throwing his arm over his eyes. “There’s no discretion, either! You try to do it quietly, on the down low, but everyone will still notice your hair growing!”

“Does it keep growing the longer you fart?”

“Nah, one fart, one centimetre.”

Kagami smirked, rolling onto his side. “Yeah, sure, better than nothing.”

Aomine grinned. “Me too.”

Kagami stared over at Aomine, watching his boyfriend stare up at the ceiling as he thought about his own question. The couple had been finding it hard to sleep after they’d accidentally taken a six hour nap in the middle of the day, and as such, found themselves asking each other dumb questions to pass the time.

“Alright, better than nothing super power: You can absorb all the information about any subject in a matter of seconds, but every time you do, you forget a basic human action.”

“Elaborate.”

“Uh… You have an exam on plant biology, so you learn all the information, but you forget how to eat.”

Aomine blurted out a laugh, looking across at Kagami. “Can I relearn how to eat?”

“Yeah, but you have to do it properly, like a baby, or you’ll forget something else.”

“So like, I absorb all the knowledge from an encyclopedia about World War 2, but… forget how hold things?”

Kagami nodded, grinning at his boyfriend. “Better than nothing super power?”

“I have no idea what function I’ll forget?”

“Nope.”

Aomine hummed, stretching his arms out in front of him. “Sure, why not. You?”

“Nah, I don’t know what I’d do if I forgot how to eat.”

“Oh! Oh! Better than nothing power: You generate your own wi-fi, but you can’t talk whilst you’re connected because whenever you open your mouth all that comes up is the screechy dial-up noise.”

Kagami threw his head back as he laughed, finding it hard to breath when Aomine began recreating the dreaded dial-up tone. “Alright, real talk, how good is the wi-fi?”

“Average.”

“Average?!”

“It _is_ dial-up!”

Kagami hummed thoughtfully, imagining scenarios where he generated his own wi-fi. “I’d have loads of friends.”

“Fake friends. They’re only using you for you wi-fi.”

“I don’t know, I don’t really use the internet anyway.”

“Really?! But you could stream porn anywhere!”

“I don’t watch porn! And seeing as the connection’s not that great, the stream will be laggy and pixelated.”

“Ah, yeah, true.”

Kagami nodded, making up his mind. “Pass on the wi-fi. If it was super fast, sure, but average? Not worth the dial-up.”

“Fair enough… Your go.”

Kagami said nothing for a few moments, thinking to himself. “Okay. You can understand every language, but you can’t speak any of them. So like, a French guy comes up and starts talking to you, and you know what he’s saying but you can’t respond in French.”

Aomine shrugged. “Sure. I don’t care about talking to anyone else. It means I can watch American films without subtitles!”

“You’re so anti-social!”

“The only people I’ll willingly talk to are you, my parents, Tetsu, Satsuki, and anyone who wants to feed me.”

Kagami laughed, reaching across to pull Aomine closer. “Not Kise?”

Aomine scoffed, rolling over to rest his head on Kagami’s chest. “I’ll talk to him but he needs to keep silent.”

“You love him really.”

“Sure… This may be hard for you. You can cook any meal, recreate anything you see in a cookbook or on tv and it’ll be delicious, but, when _you_ eat it it just tastes like bread.”

Kagami groaned, slipping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist. “Fuck you, Aomine.”

“You can eat food other people have made, but _your_ cooking tastes like bread.”

“What if I bake bread?”

“Tastes like water.”

“Uugh… but I could run the best restaurant in the world.”

“You could.”

Kagami scrunched his eyes shut, letting out a pained whine before nodding. “Yes. Okay. Sure.”

Aomine chuckled, pushing himself up onto his elbows so he could look down at his boyfriend. “I’d have it too… then I could treat you to five-star meals for once.”

Kagami smiled, reaching up to cup Aomine’s cheek. “You’re such a sap.”

“Only for you.”

Kagami pulled him down for a kiss, smiling against Aomine’s lips. Both boys giggled into the kiss, squeezing the other’s middle alternatively.

“Okay, I’ve got one… You can fly… but it’s only six feet off the ground.”

Aomine laughed, rolling over onto his back. “Dude, that’s so lame.”

“But you can fly!”

“Hovering, that’s hovering!”

“Probably quicker than walking… and in Japan, that’s higher than the average person’s height.”

Aomine chuckled. “I’ll skim over their heads, knocking off hats and umbrellas.”

“You’d be a flying menace.”

“Fucking yes, I’ll take that power. Just to fuck with people. I could hover at Murasakibara’s height and just irritate the fuck out of him.”

“Sounds awesome.”

“Alright, how about this: You can draw really, really fucking well, but it’s only dicks.”

Kagami almost choked on his own saliva; he sat up, pounding on his chest as he laughed and coughed simultaneously. “You mean I can draw really great, detailed dicks, but that’s it?”

“Yeah.”

Kagami paused to think, wiping the tears from his eyes that had gathered from his choking. “Sure, sounds good.”

Aomine grinned, rolling over to rest his head in Kagami’s lap. “Gay.”

“Whatever. I could make a decent living drawing super realistic dicks.”

“Hentai artist!”

“Exactly! It’s not like _I’m_ going to be masturbating over them.”

“Unless you draw mine.”

Kagami grinned, running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. “I only get off thinking about your ass.”

Aomine gave a nod of acceptance. “That’s fair, my ass is my best feature… Yours is your chest.”

“Always a boob fanatic.”

“Your pecs are sinful! How could _anyone_ resist?!”

Kagami smiled to himself, idly carding his fingers through Aomine’s hair as he looked up at the ceiling. He could feel himself getting tired as he tried to come up with his own question, his body finally catching up to the late hour. He looked down to ask Aomine if he was feeling tired too, only to find his boyfriend was already sleeping, a sly smirk on his face. Kagami knew what his boyfriend would be dreaming of that evening. He managed to ease Aomine’s head onto a pillow as he shuffled down to snuggle up next to him, pressing a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead before drifting off to sleep himself.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The 'better than nothing superpower game' is the best way to pass the time on long journeys or when there's not much to say.


End file.
